Monday, July 2, 2012

Extra testosterone leads to confusion about Colombiana, and tough chick thoughts. And MOOOOOOOOOOORRREEEEEEE *waves arms*

I once read somewhere that if your ring finger is taller than your index finger, it means you have extra testosterone in our body. Well, my ring fingers shoot FAR above my index fingers. Therefore, I am more ballsy and masculine. The whole reason I love boxing and am constantly wishing my muscles were bigger is probably cuz of all that extra testosterone coursing through my veins.

It is because of this extra testosterone that I recently convinced my friend to see Colombiana with me. It looked like a pretty sexy movie. All those commercials showed her kicking ass. So I was pretty excited. I was all set to get my adrenaline pumping. And it was a pretty okay movie. Except my ADD went haywire and I couldn't concentrate on a lot of it. I think it was about the Colombian mob in America? I dunno. I know she wanted to kill Don Luis and she kicked a lot of ass.

But there is a big thing about this movie that annoys me. It's called Colombiana, right? But the chick's name is Cataleya. And at first I was like "Oh, okay, she's probably going to change her name to Colombiana when she's on the run or some shit." But no. Shit did not go down. And I ask you. Why is it called Colombiana if her name is not Colombiana? It doesn't make sense. I know she's from Colombia, but then they could've just called it "Sexy Colombian Chick Kicks Ass" or something, instead of misleading us with this false name. Why would they do that to me? Do they enjoy making me angry?

I felt confused and slightly betrayed, like this nice German man who doesn't understand daddy long legs:

I mentioned my feelings to my friend, and she was all "Um it's called that cuz she's from Colombia" and I was like " doesn't make sense...why didn't they at least mention the word Colombiana...I don't...understand..."

Anyway, all that extra testosterone coursing through my veins makes me wanna wear shit like this:

I'd go around staring bitches down at my high school. Rumors about me would float through the air, like "She makes extra money fighting in alleys, and she's never lost one." and "She'll beat up any guy who breaks up with her." and stueff.

And I'd have my share of men. They'd find the whole tough thing attractive in a non-masochist way. And I'd ride a motorcycle to school. And I'd probably end up dealing drugs but that's okay cuz it'd only be weed. And I wouldn't use it a lot myself.

I'd break a lot of stereotypes. I'd get great grades and I'd listen to classical music, kind of like in A Clockwork Orange. Which I haven't actually read, but. You know. I hear things. My friends are smart. And they talk to me. And you know, I was gonna read it, but the cover looked kinda creepy.
Normally I'm totally into the whole creepy thing, but it was 1AM. Everything scares me at 1AM.

I must say goodbye now, but I will leave you with this sexy beatbox. I want this shit on my iPod.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Dobby!!! I just got why it's called Colombiana! It's like the feminine form of Colombian, so suck it, it does make sense. Also, I would most definitely pay to see you fight. And you would be a total BAMF.