I thought of something funnier than 24.

...TWENTY-FIVE!!!

Also knitting. That is the fifth bonerific thing.


I'm like a total knitting addict now. Well sort of. I made a really crappy tea towel. But now I'm all bored of it...bluh it'll get super interesting again probably.
            And I was a total fucking addict. I'd put it down and then I'd be like *Just one more row...just one more...I can stop anytime I want...* And all I really know how to do is the simple knit stitch, as my mother calls it, so everything I make kinda looks boring. But that's okay cuz I made it ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF. And look how fancy knitting can be!

Pretty fucking fancy!

So I spent my days knitting all awesomely like this.

La la la I'm just a fancy knitter la la la

But I finished my tea towel and I started a new project. Then my ADD kicked in and I got bored of it real quick.

 

This was supposed to be scarf. I started it a week or two ago and I haven't picked it up in like...a week or two...I think I might call it quits and say it's a potholder.

But I am sure to pick it up again because one does not simply STOP knitting.



The sixth thing that makes me fungasm is pigs. More specifically teacup pigs. Sometimes I pretend to be super rich, and I pretend Daddy's going to get me a teacup pig for my birthday, so I google *teacup pigs for sale* and read all about them and "pick one out". It is a lot funner than it sounds. Plus look how adorable they are.

(That last one is probably just a regular pig.)

I heard my mom talking on the phone today and she said *My husband bought an entire hog!*. I was like

but then she said *I don't know what he's THINKING! We don't have the freezer room!*

It then became clear to me that my father did not make my hopes and dreams come true by buying me a real, live pig, but had instead bought us a dead one for eats. My face fell.

So we are going to have pork for dinner for the next few months, and I will not have a live pig. But that's okay. There is always the internet.

You know what else I love. This little guy from Hyperbole and a Half.

The Alot. Isn't he adorable.

Anything on Hyperbole and a Half is gold. THERE ARE ALSO CLOTHES. AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE IT WHEN THEY HAVE CLOTHES ABOUT THINGS THAT I'M OBSESSED WITH.
http://www.zazzle.com/ickybana5/gifts
Clickity click on it and it will take you to wonderful happy land.

Now I must go, my tea is beckoning to me. Goodbye, my dears!

Awesome and epically amazing things.

Things I have a total boner for lately:
               1.Trees. They are amazing.
I've never been a big fan of flowers. Floral prints make me nauseous. But there is not a chick in the world who doesn't appreciate some form of plant. I choose trees.

Trees are so much more awesome than flowers. Flowers are pussy shits that break easily. But a tree stands tall and strong. I have never seen someone kill a fully grown tree by stepping on it. If you want to kill a tree, you have to call lumber people or some shit to come and cut that shit down. A lumber crew is not required to kill a flower. Plus, trees are so much more awesome-looking than flowers.

Look how tall and strong that shit is.

This pussy ass flower cannot compare.


2.The sky/space/galaxy/anything up there
I have googled *universe* just to stare at all those breathtaking pictures. Also there are clothes. Like this tank top.

And these leggings.

And this dress.

I would wear that shit so hard.

Also look how pretty these pictures are.

They could all be fakes done by 19-year-old porn stars who hate boxing and I would not care because they are just SOOOOOO PREEEEEETTYYYYYYYYY~



3.Shit relating to the brain, like neurology, psychology, and the like (lol I sound so fancy. "and the like" XP)
          
I just wanna like...figure out the human brain. I don't know. I can't explain it. It's just so damn interesting.
Also look what I found. Dopamine Jewelry. It's this place that crystallizes chemical substances, like serotonin and shit, then photographs them through a polarized light microscope and then YOU GET SEXY BRAIN JEWELRY.

Also look at this sweet "toggle necklace" that my fiance will buy me when I am working as a neurologist or probably just a psychiatrist but he will buy it to express his insane, passionate love for me because dopamine is believed to be the chemical responsible for romantic love.

Plus look what else I found while googling *dopamine jewelry*. The Psych Store. It's got the same kind of sexy brain shit to wear.

A neuron necklace! How delightfully nerdy.

4.Boxing

...You all know how I feel about boxing. If I ultimately fail in becoming a brain person, I shall be an underground fighter. Here's the chain of fail:
Neuroscientist--->Psychiatrist--->Psychologist--->Actress--->Underground Fighter--->Prostitute--->Hobo.
An actress is on the same lines of "brain person" because it's still kinda human-behaviory.
Also LOOK HOW EFFING CUTE THESE THINGS ARE.

THEY'RE SPARKLY!!!!!!!!!!! ERMAHGERD~


...I believe it is time for this post to come to an end. If I think of other bonerific things, I shall tell you later. I'm done talking to you now.

Love, 

 Dobby

Artsy Daydreaming Interlude

Yet another one of my day-dreamy alter egos is Dobby, the world-famous artist. (My friends call me Dobby. You wish your nickname was that awesome.) Like my other alter egos, I'd r


HOLY FUCKING GODDAMN SHIT MY COMPUTER JUST MADE THE SCARIEST NOISE AND IT SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF ME

...Like my other alter egos, I'd ride a motorcycle to work. Except in this daydream, it's not a really real motorcycle. It's this.

A fucking vespa. Cuz I'm fucking artsy.

And I work at an art studio in Soho.

And I also have an art studio in my big ass apartment, for whenever I don't feel like driving to the studio downtown.

And I draw shit like this.

This is actually made by someone named Omeguis on Deviant Art. Look how awesome it is. Bask in its awesomeness.

And this.

Google *Cuddly Rigor Mortis*. Do it NOW.

 And because I'm so fucking artsy, I need to look as such.

With the piercings and the hair. And such. I'd be so fucking pretty. And my boyfriend looks like this.

And my agent. She is this.

She's pretty and nice. And I make lotsa money with her around.

In my spare time, I teach an art class for kids down at the studio.

 They love me because I am awesome.

At nights, I relax with some fancy chamomile tea and a good romance novel. I call my best friend, who is an interior designer, and we discuss artsy things. Then I get in my sexy Mickey Mouse pajamas

  and settle into bed.

Also in this daydream I have a cat.

Her name is Sparkles. Isn't she cute?

Happy America Day and random blog posting.

Yesterday was what normal people call the Fourth of July. It was 104 degrees and dry out where I am, so we didn't get to shoot off any fireworks. However, I did get to see a firework display downtown (which I guess was done safely by professionals or some shit, because there was like a state-wide ban on fire things and the government did not shut down the display). Also I made a set which I will whore out to you right now.

Happy America Day by emmzizleez888 featuring a canvas tote

Yeah, I know you don't give a flying fuck, but you were forced to look at that set. >:D HAHA I'M SO EVIL~

Okay, so I've been reading Artsy Like Athena, my best friend's blog, and comparing hers to mine. And I noticed that in her posts, she tends to stay on one topic. Like THE WHOLE POST is about ONE topic. And mine are all *Look, I just read Arkham Asylum. Now here's what my life would be like if I fought illegally for money.* and *I have extra testosterone in my body. I don't understand Colombiana, so here is a German who doesn't understand daddy long legs.* and *Yesterday was America Day. Lol my blog is so random.* My synapses just like fire all over my blog posts. They completely lose control. They just don't know when to stop.

I realize that this is also a random subject change, but it's like 3am and I have got some major munchies. Also I can't sleep, so I should probably drag my tired ass to the kitchen and drink that chamomile tea I bought exactly for this purpose. I hope it doesn't taste like shit. I have heard people say it tastes like shit.

...I should probably, y'know, go...drink that tea...so...goodnight...*awkwardly slinks out of room*

Extra testosterone leads to confusion about Colombiana, and tough chick thoughts. And MOOOOOOOOOOORRREEEEEEE *waves arms*

I once read somewhere that if your ring finger is taller than your index finger, it means you have extra testosterone in our body. Well, my ring fingers shoot FAR above my index fingers. Therefore, I am more ballsy and masculine. The whole reason I love boxing and am constantly wishing my muscles were bigger is probably cuz of all that extra testosterone coursing through my veins.

It is because of this extra testosterone that I recently convinced my friend to see Colombiana with me. It looked like a pretty sexy movie. All those commercials showed her kicking ass. So I was pretty excited. I was all set to get my adrenaline pumping. And it was a pretty okay movie. Except my ADD went haywire and I couldn't concentrate on a lot of it. I think it was about the Colombian mob in America? I dunno. I know she wanted to kill Don Luis and she kicked a lot of ass.

But there is a big thing about this movie that annoys me. It's called Colombiana, right? But the chick's name is Cataleya. And at first I was like "Oh, okay, she's probably going to change her name to Colombiana when she's on the run or some shit." But no. Shit did not go down. And I ask you. Why is it called Colombiana if her name is not Colombiana? It doesn't make sense. I know she's from Colombia, but then they could've just called it "Sexy Colombian Chick Kicks Ass" or something, instead of misleading us with this false name. Why would they do that to me? Do they enjoy making me angry?

I felt confused and slightly betrayed, like this nice German man who doesn't understand daddy long legs:

I mentioned my feelings to my friend, and she was all "Um it's called that cuz she's from Colombia" and I was like "But...no...that doesn't make sense...why didn't they at least mention the word Colombiana...I don't...understand..."

Anyway, all that extra testosterone coursing through my veins makes me wanna wear shit like this:

Tough by emmzizleez888 featuring motorcycle gloves

I'd go around staring bitches down at my high school. Rumors about me would float through the air, like "She makes extra money fighting in alleys, and she's never lost one." and "She'll beat up any guy who breaks up with her." and stueff.

And I'd have my share of men. They'd find the whole tough thing attractive in a non-masochist way. And I'd ride a motorcycle to school. And I'd probably end up dealing drugs but that's okay cuz it'd only be weed. And I wouldn't use it a lot myself.

I'd break a lot of stereotypes. I'd get great grades and I'd listen to classical music, kind of like in A Clockwork Orange. Which I haven't actually read, but. You know. I hear things. My friends are smart. And they talk to me. And you know, I was gonna read it, but the cover looked kinda creepy.

Normally I'm totally into the whole creepy thing, but it was 1AM. Everything scares me at 1AM.

I must say goodbye now, but I will leave you with this sexy beatbox. I want this shit on my iPod.