Monday, June 25, 2012

My popularity on Polyvore will eventually turn me into a computer nerd wih a sexy, understanding boyfriend.

Recently, I have gone onto polyvore.com. I created a few sets. Followed a couple people. Then I slid my eyes over to the right side of my profile and saw that I had 2,166 set views. I was like

OH MY GOD I'M SO POPULAR :D

Then I started looking at the people I'm following, and I noticed they had 100,000 followers. I was like

But you know what. Two thousand people in the world looked at my sets. And three of them followed me. (Upon closer inspection, one would find that one of them is my best friend, and the other two are random bitches who follow everyone, but that, sir, is irrelephant.) This means that someone in the world likes my online profile. And since I'm SO popular on Polyvore, I did some sly clickety-clicking and added a link to my blog on my profile. This way, I can be popular on here as well. Because honestly. The only people who are reading this right now are my two best friends* and, according to my stats, a very confused Korean. But if this blog just explodes with popularity, I will attribute it to the fact that I slyly advertised it on Polyvore.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA I USED MIND CONTROL ON YOU ALL~

The more popular I get online, the more time I will spend online, the more I will turn into this:

But you know what. That guy is sexy if you squint your eyes and angle your head. So I am sure to find a kissing buddy who totally loves the whole computer-nerd thing and is like

and

If I could find a man like that, I would melt in orgasm. And I KNOW I will find one. Because I HAVE HOPE. Because I AM HOPEFUL.

I have to pee like a racehorse on steroids. And so concludes this blog post. *races to bathroom*






*And probably just the one at Artsy Like Athena, because people who do not have blogs do not understand the awesomeness of reading other people's blogs. They just get confused and bored and then they're like "Lol blogs are so pathetic it's pretty awk that my friend has one :|"

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Arkham Asylum and a brief daydreaming interlude.

Oh my glob, you guys. I just got finished reading Arkham Asylum. I feel so weeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd. I'm still trying to adjust to reality. It was so amazing, I read it all in one sitting. (Which is good for me, because I have a hard time concentrating on words and pictures.) This is by far my favorite Batman comic.

...Or graphic novel. I guess it's technically a graphic novel. But I like "comic" better. It sounds so much more nerdy. Which appeals to my hipster side. Graphic novel sounds a little pathetic. Somehow.

Anyways.

Sometimes I daydream about being a member of a sexy underground fight club. I'd call myself Sonja and speak German in a Russian accent. I'd make tons of money beatin' up bitches. I'd wear brass knuckles and dye my hair and I'd look like this:

Except I would be sexier. Because I would look like me ;D

I'd have a part-time job at the library. Then as soon as my shift's over, I'd stop by my apartment to grab my brass knuckles and hand wraps and I'd change from my work clothes to sweatpants and a sports bra. After that, I'd drive to the gym on this:

and warm up a bit before digging the key I received for becoming a member of the underground fight club out of my pocket and heading down to the gym basement. I use my key, which looks like this:

(it doesn't look so sexy at first glance, but then you picture it as a key to an underground fight club and it becomes the hottest thing in the world)
Anyway, I use my key to unlock the door

where I find my opponent is waiting for me.

I stare her down and she's all awkward like

And then we fight. And I beat the shit out of her. And then, while she's crying in the corner, nursing her many wounds, I look at her like

I get $800 for winning. I take my money, hop on my motorcycle, and stop by my best friend's vintage gypsy store on the way home. She greets me and she looks like

except she's sexier. Because she would look like herself. ;D
I walk into her store

and I give her the details of the fight.

Afterward, I retire to my apartment to relax with a hot bubble bath and a Batman movie. I heat up some leftover Chinese food for dinner, then I call my boyfriend and we talk about life. (He lives in another state and doesn't know about the sexy underground fight club, but he visits every weekend.) Then we say good night to each other and I fall asleep on the couch. Just another day in the life of a sexy fighter chick.



Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Cell phone woes

You never really notice how much you use your phone until it derps out on you and you are forced to shut it off for a few hours. I feel itchy and restless. What if someone texts me? I will not be able to text them back. They will have to sit there and wait and wait and phone spam me and then they will get distracted by some other shit and forget about me. Then two hours later, I will respond, but they won't be there to text me back. So I will have to sit there and wait and wait and phone spam them until I get distracted by some other shit. And the cycle continues.

The phone I have is this.



I thought it was really cute when I first got it, even thought it was used and kinda sucky. I would just be sittin' there, and then I'd glance at my phone and be like "MY PHONE IS SO CUTE. WHICH MAKES ME CUTE BY ASSOCIATION. I'M SO ATTRACTIVE." So me and my phone had a great relationship...for a while.

Soon I noticed it got little service at my haus (which is where I spend 80% of my time because I am a reclusive soul and also I don't have a car). It would turn off randomly while I was in the middle of typing a five-page long text. And sometimes it would decide to delete my conversations and then re-send me texts from months ago. So I was like "Phone, y u no willing to make this work." And my phone was like "...*turns off*"

I'm not proud of this, but I have found myself looking at other phones.

Mmm, yeah.

Ah, so hot.

dat phone


Unfortunately, all these phones are way out of my league. I'd love to buy a $600 smartphone, but I am not so financially blessed. So I am stuck with my cheapo, used, sucky phone...for now. I feel the time will soon come to part ways with my phone, and move on. If my phone is not willing to work with me, I am not willing to work with it.

Nautical ^^

My boredom has produced another set. Look how fucking summery and oceany this shit is. I'm so fucking artsy with my summery, oceany set.


Nautical :3

Joules bow dress
£60 - johnlewis.com

Anne klein handbag
$89 - macys.com

Genuine leather wallet
$170 - shopbird.com

√Čvocateur nautical jewelry
$324 - endless.com

Disney couture jewelry
$35 - coggles.com

Guess jewelry
$28 - zappos.com

Balenciaga anchor necklace
$575 - barneys.com

Wide brim hat
$49 - amazon.com

MAC Cosmetics lipstick
$16 - nordstrom.com

If I were rich...

I woke up today in a teenage-hormone induced depression. I sat down on the couch for a while, pondering life and death, but then I was like "Nah, eff you, puberty. I'm gonna do stuff and you can't stop me." So I started non-sexually fantasizing about being rich (because as everyone knows, money is the key to happiness XP) and I was like "THIS CALLS FOR POLYVORE." And here...is this collection...*dramatic sigh followed by gesture*






You wish your life was this awesome. And so do I...*cries and runs away to room*

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Color Me Nerdy, sadness, and BILLYYYYYYYYY!

You know what would be a cool name for a band. Color Me Nerdy. Like every time I say something like "Call me nerdy, but my favorite book is 1984 by George Orwell," (which it is, btdubbs. I effing love that shit) my brain is like "NO Y U SAY CALL ME NERDY THAT'S NOT RIGHT COLOR ME NERDY SOUNDS SO MUCH BETTER" and then I'm like "Oh my god brain you are so stupid but Color Me Nerdy would be an intriguing name for something. Perhaps a blog or a book OR AN AWESOME SEXY ROCK BAND THAT SINGS SONGS ABOUT ROBOT UNICORNS AND THE HARSH REALITY OF ZOMBIE APOCALYPSES" Hence this blog post.

If any of you ninjas out there are thinking about starting an awesome sexy rock band, I suggest the name Color Me Nerdy. I also suggest you mention my blog in an interview when you are famous. But that is just a suggestion. You don't have to. I don't wanna pressure you. Also you might think it's a stupid name and I am sorry if it made you want to throw a brick at a five-year-old. You don't have to use it. It is okay to laugh about it with your little ninja friends and wonder who the hell would come up with such a stupid annoying name like Color Me Nerdy. What the fuck were they thinking? That's the thing, they probably don't think. What a dumbass.

...I am sad now.

Whenever I am sad, I pretend to be rich bitch, livin' it up in a mansion, and I go on sites like Shanalogic and Modcloth and I google things like teacup pigs for sale and pink vespa and pretend to be going on my daily shopping spree. But I get sad a lot. So I get bored of shit like that. It gets old quick. AGHHHHH MY GOD I HAVE SO MUCH FIRST WORLD PAIN.

Every time I hear the name Billy, I think of Adventure Time, and I say "BILLYYYYYYYYYY!!" This episode of Family Guy I'm watching, with the dolphin named Billy (BILLYYYYYYYYYYY!!), has been exhausting. So many BILLYYYYYYYYYY!!, so little time.

Also I just remembered I have to draw my dear friend a picture of her squeezing the Earl of Lemongrab into her cup of teaOH MY GOD HOW FUCKING BRITISH DID THAT SOUND. SO FUCKING BRITISH.

Ah, but I must be going, my dear ninjas. My new Spongebob coloring book is calling.

Goodbye, my fairies!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Unmotivation=random blog post

Hey y'all. I've been having one of those days where I feel completely unmotivated to do anything. I would have been perfectly content to laze in bed all day, reading chick lit like Rosie Dunne or Undead and Unwed (must thank my best friend for letting me experience such great novels :3) and peeking out from under the covers at times, pretending to be an Australian hermit, but unfortunately it was my sister's birthday today. So even though all I had the energy to do was lie in bed (or go to the library. I could have gone to the library. But that is another story.), I was forced to celebrate. Happy birthday, sister. Even though you made me feel bad about not going out with you, and then made a bitchy comment about how I don't do anything for you, and said I wasn't a very thoughtful person because I didn't make you a card, even though I helped pick out two of your presents, I'm still kind of obligated to love you, and I know you're a lot better person when you're not menstruating. You shoulda just been happy that I actually GOT UP for you, but that's okay. That's okay.

I hope to God she never reads this.

Anyway, someone on TV mentioned their blog, and I was like "OMFG. I ALSO HAVE A BLOG. I'M SO GROWN UP AND FANCY WITH MY BLOG."
Speaking of TV, do you ever notice how sometimes, in the animated stuffs (Look at me! Using big, grown-up words like "animated" in my fancy grown-up blog!), some of the women sound like homosexual men? Anyone else notice that? Or is it just me...? I get the feeling like it's just me.

Come on, Tim Tebow. You know those kids on that Denver Mattress commercial don't give a fuck about what you're saying. Cuz they're getting paid to cheer for you. Nice thought, though.

I want a smoothie. Like a legit smoothie. LIKE A SPINACH SMOOTHIE. DO YOU KNOW HOW HEALTHY THAT SHIT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL? SO GODDAMN HEALTHY. I'D BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE SKINNY BITCHES WHO EXERCISE AND EAT HEALTHY SHIT AND FREQUENTLY SHOW UP ON PINTEREST AND EVERYONE'S LIKE " Oh gee I wish I had a body like that that sure is some good motivation right there dis is amazong plz check out my pins". PLUS IT'S GREEN. AND EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING GREEN IS HEALTHY.

Welp, I'm going to stop this random ass blog post and go shave my legs.

Goodbye, ninjas who read my blog.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Design ALL the things!

This is my second post. As you can tell. So, erm, I may have gone a little crazy with the design. If looking at this page makes you want to throw up and kill a puppy, I sincerely apologize. And please don't kill a puppy because they're really cute and if you do, I might cry. Here is a picture of a guinea pig eating a flower.

Herp a derp derp

This is my first post. As an actual blogger. I feel so cool. Yeah, bitches. I have a blog that few of my friends will read. Cuz I'm a blogger and we do that shit. We post things. Maybe even pictures. Crazy, right? Postin' pictures. On a blog. Whoever heard of such a thing? Well, I did. Cuz I'm a blogger and we do that shit.