Yet another one of my day-dreamy alter egos is Dobby, the world-famous artist. (My friends call me Dobby. You wish your nickname was that awesome.) Like my other alter egos, I'd r
HOLY FUCKING GODDAMN SHIT MY COMPUTER JUST MADE THE SCARIEST NOISE AND IT SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF ME
...Like my other alter egos, I'd ride a motorcycle to work. Except in this daydream, it's not a really real motorcycle. It's this.
A fucking vespa. Cuz I'm fucking artsy.
And I work at an art studio in Soho.
And I also have an art studio in my big ass apartment, for whenever I don't feel like driving to the studio downtown.
And I draw shit like this.
This is actually made by someone named Omeguis on Deviant Art. Look how awesome it is. Bask in its awesomeness.
And this.
Google *Cuddly Rigor Mortis*. Do it NOW.
And because I'm so fucking artsy, I need to look as such.
With the piercings and the hair. And such. I'd be so fucking pretty. And my boyfriend looks like this.
And my agent. She is this.
She's pretty and nice. And I make lotsa money with her around.
In my spare time, I teach an art class for kids down at the studio.
They love me because I am awesome.
At nights, I relax with some fancy chamomile tea and a good romance novel. I call my best friend, who is an interior designer, and we discuss artsy things. Then I get in my sexy Mickey Mouse pajamas
Yesterday was what normal people call the Fourth of July. It was 104 degrees and dry out where I am, so we didn't get to shoot off any fireworks. However, I did get to see a firework display downtown (which I guess was done safely by professionals or some shit, because there was like a state-wide ban on fire things and the government did not shut down the display). Also I made a set which I will whore out to you right now.
Yeah, I know you don't give a flying fuck, but you were forced to look at that set. >:D HAHA I'M SO EVIL~
Okay, so I've been reading Artsy Like Athena, my best friend's blog, and comparing hers to mine. And I noticed that in her posts, she tends to stay on one topic. Like THE WHOLE POST is about ONE topic. And mine are all *Look, I just read Arkham Asylum. Now here's what my life would be like if I fought illegally for money.* and *I have extra testosterone in my body. I don't understand Colombiana, so here is a German who doesn't understand daddy long legs.* and *Yesterday was America Day. Lol my blog is so random.* My synapses just like fire all over my blog posts. They completely lose control. They just don't know when to stop.
I realize that this is also a random subject change, but it's like 3am and I have got some major munchies. Also I can't sleep, so I should probably drag my tired ass to the kitchen and drink that chamomile tea I bought exactly for this purpose. I hope it doesn't taste like shit. I have heard people say it tastes like shit.
...I should probably, y'know, go...drink that tea...so...goodnight...*awkwardly slinks out of room*
I once read somewhere that if your ring finger is taller than your index finger, it means you have extra testosterone in our body. Well, my ring fingers shoot FAR above my index fingers. Therefore, I am more ballsy and masculine. The whole reason I love boxing and am constantly wishing my muscles were bigger is probably cuz of all that extra testosterone coursing through my veins.
It is because of this extra testosterone that I recently convinced my friend to see Colombiana with me. It looked like a pretty sexy movie. All those commercials showed her kicking ass. So I was pretty excited. I was all set to get my adrenaline pumping. And it was a pretty okay movie. Except my ADD went haywire and I couldn't concentrate on a lot of it. I think it was about the Colombian mob in America? I dunno. I know she wanted to kill Don Luis and she kicked a lot of ass.
But there is a big thing about this movie that annoys me. It's called Colombiana, right? But the chick's name is Cataleya. And at first I was like "Oh, okay, she's probably going to change her name to Colombiana when she's on the run or some shit." But no. Shit did not go down. And I ask you. Why is it called Colombiana if her name is not Colombiana? It doesn't make sense. I know she's from Colombia, but then they could've just called it "Sexy Colombian Chick Kicks Ass" or something, instead of misleading us with this false name. Why would they do that to me? Do they enjoy making me angry?
I felt confused and slightly betrayed, like this nice German man who doesn't understand daddy long legs:
I mentioned my feelings to my friend, and she was all "Um it's called that cuz she's from Colombia" and I was like "But...no...that doesn't make sense...why didn't they at least mention the word Colombiana...I don't...understand..."
Anyway, all that extra testosterone coursing through my veins makes me wanna wear shit like this:
I'd go around staring bitches down at my high school. Rumors about me would float through the air, like "She makes extra money fighting in alleys, and she's never lost one." and "She'll beat up any guy who breaks up with her." and stueff.
And I'd have my share of men. They'd find the whole tough thing attractive in a non-masochist way. And I'd ride a motorcycle to school. And I'd probably end up dealing drugs but that's okay cuz it'd only be weed. And I wouldn't use it a lot myself.
I'd break a lot of stereotypes. I'd get great grades and I'd listen to classical music, kind of like in A Clockwork Orange. Which I haven't actually read, but. You know. I hear things. My friends are smart. And they talk to me. And you know, I was gonna read it, but the cover looked kinda creepy.
Normally I'm totally into the whole creepy thing, but it was 1AM. Everything scares me at 1AM.
I must say goodbye now, but I will leave you with this sexy beatbox. I want this shit on my iPod.
